Getting Your Dryer's Licence

Getting Your Dryer's Licence
Note: This blog is completely made from 100% recycled BS.

It is Saturday. Well, mid-morning to be exact. I was in the kitchen making a ham sandwich, looking at the clock, and noticing that it is around twelve.

The SmartAss speaker says, "It's high noon! You gave a duel on your calendar. Get your forty-five! It's shooting time!"

"What the hell do you mean?", I reply

"Sorry!", SmartAss replies, "People haven't added duels to their calendar's in about a hundred years. Carry on!"

Then, the lightbulb went off over my head, where are the kids!

I head upstairs and knock on my son's door.

My son opens the door and says, "What's going on?"

I look around my son's room. Clothes cover the entire floor, the bed, the dresser, and everywhere else you can imagine.

"Son!", I look around and say, "What the heck is this!"

My son's reply, "What?"

"Look aro…

The Pursuit of Excellence

The Pursuit of Excellence
Note: The bog is filled with people and events that simply did not happen.
It's another late night at the office. After spending hours pouring over papers, inspecting pie charts, and making coffee: I finally finish the slides, close the office, set the alarm, and then take off for home.
Traffic is much lighter than usual and the yellow lights eminating from sulfur bulbs contained in the streetlights light my way to the highway and eventually home. I walk through the front door and see my son playing so esort of video game system, chatting with his friends. My wife is in the kitchen. 
I walk to the kitchen and say, "How was your day?"
She smiles and replies, "I got a call from our son's Math teacher."
"That good."
"No. He hasn't turned on his last five assignments!"
"That's what you're going to ask him."
She walks out of the room and goes upstairs.
I walk up to my Son and say, "…

A Day in the Life of a Teen

A Day in the Life of a Teen
Many days, I am on the road at the time when the most amount of people are trying to either get to work or come home. I usually don't get a chance to have normal dinnertime as I sit in the car moving from place to place. By not being there during group meals, I feel that I am missing something. Three is a concept called the "opportunity cost" where if you spend more of your time doing X there is less time for you to do Y. Thus, whatever activity "Y" it would suffer because you don't spend also of your time on it. So, you're always in a sense of keeping everything moving so both activities have enough time applied with it to keep making progress. Thus, it is the life of a working parent to continually ensure both X and Y get as much time as possible to keep the whole world spinning.

I head upstairs and check in with the kids. I ask, "How are you doing?" before heading off to grab some food and watch TV. Usually, the…

The Day I Arrived On-Time for Church

The Day I Arrived On-Time for Church
Note: This blog was handcrafted by the author. No animals were hurt during the crafting of this blog.
Listen, I got to tell you, on Sundays: I like to sleep in. Monday through Friday, I get up early, do my work, come home, them go to bed. Saturday, I get the errands done. This cycle continues day after day, month after month, and hour after hour. The world is constantly turning and I am in the middle making it work.
Sundays are a day of rest. But, even though that fact is known, there are still activities that need to be done. Laundry, food shopping for the week, walking the dog: all activities which need to be done. Also,  There is a church. So we get the activities done 3 to, at move forward to church. On this Sunday, things seem to be different. True, the kids are fighting in the back, my wife is on the phone - texting her friends, and traffic is lighter. I don't think anything of it as we're on the road to church.
We pull into the parking l…

The Perfect Day

The Perfect Day
Note: The people that I use in this blog are not real. Seriously. The content of these stories are made up and in no way resemble the family that I live with.

There are some moments in life which draw you in. An event which you memorize and replay over and over again. A moment in time which is suspended within the synapses of the hippocampus, triggered by a sound, a touch, or even a smell. Once you experience that trigger, a smile forms on your face. Sometimes when you hear a snippet of conversation in the office, listening to the radio on the way home, seeing a father teaching his son how to ride a bike: these small fragments always resonate as a smile. One of those moments to me is the first time my wife made a pot roast in the slow cooker.

It was a few years ago. My wife an I were living in a small apartment. The time was late in the month of September and I was coming home after a dreadful day at work. I turned off of the express ramp, drove down a treelined resid…

Did you clean your room?

Did you clean your room?
I ask my son, "Did you clean your room?"

He sits in the living room and replies, "Yes. I put things away."

So, I go upstairs to his room to check it out.

The door is open, the bed is made and the floor is clean.

I walk into his room, open the closet door and a large pile of clothes attacks me.

My son walks upstairs and sees the clothes escape the confines of the closet.

I say, "I thought your room was clean!"

"No. I said I put things away!", he replies, "Thanks, Dad! Now I have to clean up all over again!"

Bottom line: when your son says things are put away, it doesn't mean they are clean, so don't open closet doors, unless you want to know the truth!

What about the dog

What about the dog?

My wife asks me to walk the dog.

I turn to my son and ask him to walk the dog.

He turns to his sister to walk the dog.

Who then texts my wife, asking her to walk the dog.

The dog just sits there.

Now, I'm cleaning up after the dog.