The Perfect Day

The Perfect Day
Note: The people that I use in this blog are not real. Seriously. The content of these stories are made up and in no way resemble the family that I live with.

There are some moments in life which draw you in. An event which you memorize and replay over and over again. A moment in time which is suspended within the synapses of the hippocampus, triggered by a sound, a touch, or even a smell. Once you experience that trigger, a smile forms on your face. Sometimes when you hear a snippet of conversation in the office, listening to the radio on the way home, seeing a father teaching his son how to ride a bike: these small fragments always resonate as a smile. One of those moments to me is the first time my wife made a pot roast in the slow cooker.

It was a few years ago. My wife an I were living in a small apartment. The time was late in the month of September and I was coming home after a dreadful day at work. I turned off of the express ramp, drove down a treelined resid…

Did you clean your room?

Did you clean your room?
I ask my son, "Did you clean your room?"

He sits in the living room and replies, "Yes. I put things away."

So, I go upstairs to his room to check it out.

The door is open, the bed is made and the floor is clean.

I walk into his room, open the closet door and a large pile of clothes attacks me.

My son walks upstairs and sees the clothes escape the confines of the closet.

I say, "I thought your room was clean!"

"No. I said I put things away!", he replies, "Thanks, Dad! Now I have to clean up all over again!"

Bottom line: when your son says things are put away, it doesn't mean they are clean, so don't open closet doors, unless you want to know the truth!

What about the dog

What about the dog?

My wife asks me to walk the dog.

I turn to my son and ask him to walk the dog.

He turns to his sister to walk the dog.

Who then texts my wife, asking her to walk the dog.

The dog just sits there.

Now, I'm cleaning up after the dog.

The Lost Art of Manners

The Lost Art of Manners

Note: The family that I talk about in this blog is built through constant engineering, a pint of soda, and the ability to write in sentences without diagraming them.
Manners, courtesy, respect, and just generally being nice to people is one of those basic building blocks you teach your kids from day one. It is one of those unwritten requirements that kids pick up through examples at school, through TV, church, online and at home. Having good parents who are respectful to each other, their kids and the outside world sets the tone of how they will grow to be outstanding people. This is not by accident. This is something that is learned through the family structure, environment, and simply being a human who will one day work with other humans (and might get married to another human one day).
This is why, when I see examples of disrespectful kids back talking parents, not holding the door open for elders, or simply berating their friends: I turn to my kids and say…

The Fibonacci Side of Life

The Fibonacci Side of Life
Note: The family I use for this blog just came out of a 3D printer, so they are not real, and neither is this story.

One of the things about living with kids is the act of continually reminding them to do simple things is exhausting. Every day is a concert of my voice telling the kids what action they should be doing, where they should be, and why they should be doing it. Many times, my son is in his room, playing video games, and the rest of the room is a mess. Another time, my daughter takes dishes from the kitchen, then returns them a month later. Not to the dishwasher, so they can get clean but leaves them. One night, after work, instead of going home, I went to a bar with a few friends.

After sucking down a few beers, I ask my friend, "Friend. I'm in trouble. I'm losing control over my house."

My friend replies, "Don't worry. You never had control of your house. Don't feel bad. You have a wonderful wife."

"No. I…

Brush your teeth

Brush your teeth!

Note: The kids that are in this blog are not real ... and no toothbrushes were hurt during this story.
I love my kids. Don't get wrong, sometimes they are a mess to deal with, but they are great kids. Every once in a while, it doesn't happen too often, the kids and I lock horns. I can't predict when it is going to happen. When it does, I have to yell out WTF. 
A few weeks ago, I took the kids out of school and we went to the dentist. Each of them had cavities and would get them filled.
The dentist said, "Your kids are going to brush every night or they will be in here again."
It was at this time, I could almost see little dollar signs leave my wallet and enter a jar of sugar-free mints on the receptionist's desk. I shake my head in violent agreement that I alone had the power to stop cavities in my kid's mouths. A few years from now, I will write a book called, 'How I kept the cavities Away'. As my mind continued to wander, I wa…

Parents. Kids and the Two Hour Delayed School Open

Parents. Kids and the Two Hour Delayed School Open

Note: The family that is represented in this blog are not real.
You wake up in the morning, knowing full well of that there was bad weather last night, and you turn on the TV, trying to find out the current report.
As you brush your teeth, the TV announcer scrolls down the list of all of the counties around your area until the very last one. Once the announcer calls it, your heart sinks, a few curse words are said, and you begin the long trek to your kids so they can hear the news. Long gone are the days when you and your child can both celebrate the delayed school opening. Now, you have work, deadlines, and at least double the commute time moving to and from work. Kids on the other hand jump for joy at having two hours off (although they would really want the whole day to sleep). 
For kids it means that they are magically drifted to a temporary timezone where the expectations usually applied at a certain time are held back. For two …