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Showing posts with the label trash

Nobody wants to diet they people diet because they have to

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Do you know what I like about dieting? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. All of the foods that you like to eat have a certain percentage of sugar, carbs, or something else to make them taste good. Diets suck! The reason companies add sugar to everything is the fact that people don't like to eat cardboard! Food that is bad for you really does taste good and food that is good for you tastes bad, because it doesn't have the sugar, carbs, and preservatives that make it taste good.

Check out this example.

My wife and I are at a restaurant and looking over the menu.

My wife asks me, "Honey, do you see anything that looks good?"

I respond, "Everything on the menu looks good, but none of it I can have. I'm trying out a diet for the New Year."

"What can you have on your diet?"

"Things that taste like crap."

"Tell me how you really feel."

The waiter comes over and asks, "Do you have any questions."

"Yeah. I have some quest…

How to get the kids to do their chores

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How to get the kids to do their chores Note: This is just a story. Some of these tales have elements of my real kids. All I hope, is that one day, that they forgive me for unlocking their secrets, changing their names, and writing this blog. Well ... it's not that bad! These stories are made up.

It's Friday night. I'm on the road home after another long, yet successful, day of work. I pull into the driveway, p[ark the car, open the door, step out, breath in some fresh air, sneeze a bunch of times because the air is too clean, then think, "What a wonderful day." Then, I walk to the front door and step inside. In about ten seconds, I went from having a wonderful day, to "what happened to my house"!

It looked like a bomb went off in my house, blowing up a garbage truck! As I took three steps into the home,  I heard a loud CRUNCH! Which brought the kids streaming into the room. They were Nerf gun fighting (note: no actual weapons were used in this story) e…